Just a quick one today. Would love to hear from my educator buddies!
What strategies do you all use when you are interacting with the teachers of your own children (like, the ones who live in your house and appear on your tax return)?
My kids are in high school and middle school now, and I have never fully figured out a strategy that satisfies me. When the teachers are good, it’s easy: it’s just a matter of showing up, listening to the teacher, and saying “we appreciate what you’re doing.” This works whether my son is doing well or doing poorly: the teacher knows we appreciate them and we have their back, and I leave feeling comfortable.
But on the few occasions that I am not comfortable, I’ve never figured out how to get comfortable.
I’m not going to do much specificity here, as I want my kids to hold onto their own privacy, as well as their teachers. But I do recall once trying to tell a teacher that her communication style was leading one of my kids to feel really inadequate. I did it in what I felt was a gentle way…a “Hey, this is what we’re noticing at home, and we think we have a way to make this go better,” and teacher said “I’m not going to be coached in how I talk to my students.” Would she have said that to me if I were not an actual instructional coach? Did she know I was a coach? She knew I was an educator, but a coach?
I am in the middle of a more-difficult communication involving the other kid right now, and part of me has completely given up on things going well in this class. I have never and will never give up on a teacher I coach, but when it’s my own kid, well, I don’t want to coach the teacher. I just want them to figure it out.
Anyhow, what has worked for you all in the past?
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This one can get dicey. Like when you’re dealing with your kid’s intractable AP Lit teacher… 😂 But in all seriousness, teachers sometimes don’t take you seriously when you’re also a teacher, especially when you’re at the same school. With one kid, while I won’t say there were never issues, it was usually a straightforward fix. With the other kid, though… it was often a mixture of teacher mistakes coupled with kid mistakes and it just became a morass of fault-finding, rather than figuring out how to help the kid, which is ultimately the point of teaching. That kid just ended up in someone else’s class. When it gets to that point, that’s the best option. Fresh start for everyone. Also, teachers and kids have unique personalities, and sometimes they just don’t mesh. It’s not an indictment of anyone; it’s just a reality when working closely with other humans. Sometimes you have to go nuclear, though, which I think you might have to do (from what I know). And not just for your kid. For the other kids whose parents don’t necessarily know the options available to them for seeking help. Fair warning, you will not feel comfortable. The cognitive dissonance of being someone who helps other teachers and still seeking administrative or counselor intervention will not feel good. It will pass, however, because it’s the right thing to do, for your kid, and for other kids potentially suffering.